This blog comes incredibly early in the morning but I just have to tell you about what happened last night! So some of you may know how much I have been struggling with hearing God and feeling really distant from him. Having moved to Cardiff, a new city, new life style, new friends and new otherness I have been really struggling with home sickness and a knowledge that God has good plans but feeling how could this year be good when I'm struggling this much. This may seem bleak but I promise it's about to get much better!
At 3 this morning I was woken and tried to get back to sleep bit just couldn't. There was something keeping me awake. So I called to God about why I was awake, I was frustrated because I've been exhausted all day and I need my sleep haha, I'm so silly. I ended up getting so frustrated that I just wanted to scream at Him. Why am I awake? Do you have ANY idea how late it is? This is ridiculous! I was so incredibly frustrated and then I remembered a really wonderful friend Emily. She has just moved back to America and is 8 hours behind. I needed to chat so I messaged her to see if she was around... Praise God she was!! We haven't caught up since our amazing week at New Wine and it was such a joy to speak to her and hear how God is moving in her life! How God has different treats for us at different times, in different places. He loves to bless His children! So we spoke and then she asked what was going on with me and I spoke to her of my struggles and how I was finding things hard.
This is where it gets really cool (other than catching up with a friend). Emily was able to pick out lies about God I was believing and tell me truths I so needed to hear.
Most of you who know me, know I'm a complete child with God. I love him being my Dad and although I rebel against it, I try and be big. It's like a kid who puts on adult cloths and walks to work, everyone knows that they are a child, they know they are a child and the cloths they are wearing, just do not fit. I'm a toddler guys, just so up know. I'm Gods little love and I adore it being that way :) so if you see me putting on my adult cloths, remind me that underneath there is a little love, who's home is not with adults but playing at the Fathers feet.
I finished talking to Emily after she prayed for me and the thing I decided I wanted was God. More than anything else, I wanted him and I said that to Him. We had an exchange and the next thing I knew I had this completely over whelming sense of safety and warmth. One thing that Em pointed out, is that I had forgotten Gods goodness, as you know what?! I totally had. To me, God was a horrible dictator who had taken me from my friends and church to a city which I didn't know and was struggling... But I had forgotten Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." A friend reminded me of this verse today and I had been trying so hard to believe it, I had stopped living it. God has an amazing future for me, filled with hope! Not something half hearted or ok but full of hope!!! Doesn't that make you excited?! He has the same for you!
I got off Skype and broke the lie and declared the truth over myself! Warmth and joy spread my body and I saw myself in Father Gods arms but more than that, I felt it. And his voice was soft and tender as he said "let me take it." And He has me, completely, fully. I am His and He is mine!! He is mine! I am His with Such joy and happiness, I am His with life and hope, I am His with all I am and there is no where I would rather be.
Praise God for 3 in the morning and friends in different time zones! Praise God for discernment and truth. Praise God for his unfailing goodness! And Praise God that in His arms is home, my favourite place in the universe.
Praise God I my soul, for The Lord is good and his steadfast love endures forever!!
Night guys!!
Xxxx
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